I am the descendant of vikings, potato growers, warriors and survivors. I am the descendant of pagans, christians, Native Americans... when I sleep I dream of Valhalla, wine, and mystic lands. I dream of Industrial cities where men and women worked tirelessly in dirt and grime. I am the steadfast ship, a woman's smile, and a carpenter's hand. I am their longing and their victory.

Warning: Mature content for mature readers only!

I'm in the dressing room of the Old Navy hearing a conversation between two teenage employees.

The boy is trying to connect with the girl, maybe searching for any signs of life upstairs. He asks,"Do you like to read books?"

"I do!" she says.

"What do you read?"

"Twilight."

Then the repulsed agony of disappointment echoed off the walls,"Really? Are you serious?"

I'm beginning to think that "Twilight" is the dumb girls last effort to appear literate.

Yes, Twilight is still a very hot item and its pissing off boys around the nation. It makes me laugh, as a woman, having read the first book. I've actually read many books and Twilight is poorly written. The dumb girl replies to me with a,"No way! I read it just fine! The author connects sentences with punctuation marks and everything!"

But does that make a good author? I suppose I shouldn't be too mean considering I was once a teenage girl, it's possible I could have liked Twilight more. However, not all fantasy fiction or science fiction movies are the same.

Young girls have a disease thats been around for a long long time. Maybe boys have it too...

But its this idea that your sexiness, womanhood, worthiness, is validated if you can get the "bad boy" to love you. It doesn't work in real life so we write cute stories where it does work. The irony is that more girls are crying and complaining about their bad boys that they've idolized.

I've been seeing a lot of blogs lately about girls crying over dudes, and being someone who has been there, I have some straight up advice.

1. Never make someone a priority in your life when they only see you as an option. If that needs further explanation listen up. If he has all the time in the world to fuck you, but zero time to make you his girlfriend, and you have a problem with that... Be smart about your well being, and don't have sex with him.

2. Become a professional masturbator rather than let some loser/asshole stick his dick in you. If you believe that a woman doesn't have rights to self pleasure then you are a terrorist. A lot of guys and a lot of ladies would like you to believe that the only way you can have "socially approved" sexual gratification is if you let someone else do it for you. In other words, you are now dependent on any moron to make sure you get your kicks. That leaves you pretty powerless doesn't it? And the last thing you need to be is a powerless whiner.

3. If you are feeling lonely, if you feel like a loser, if you feel ugly, all because you don't have a boyfriend; turn on the Jerry Springer Show. The evidence will prove to you that you don't have to be anything special to be in a relationship. Any moron can get a boyfriend/girlfriend. Any moron can get married and have kids. Can you sincerely envy the people on these shows? Look, don't feel bad if you don't have a boyfriend, because the truth is you could, and he could be a real shit head.

4. Raise your standards! If you told yourself that the guy you want to be with is the kind that can commit to you, treat you kindly, and literally show this through his ACTIONS; then don't date anyone who cant step up to the plate! If all women could keep their legs crossed then the assholes would die out, we wouldn't be breeding more of them. With all the sperm donors out there, it leaves many women to raise their sons alone. And believe me, you're not doing a great job if your son grows up to be a punk that treats women poorly.

5. If you were taught to believe that relationships are the only reason to live; that love is the only thing to make the world go round... here is my wake up call to you. It's not! The pressure to believe that relationships are the only means to get up in the morning, essentially puts you in a bad place to believe you are nothing, unless you have someone. What a shitty idea! Not only that but you cant control others. It takes two to make a relationship work and until you can find someone to meet you in your goal... then you don't have squat!

And love alone is not enough to move mountains. No matter how much you love, it again is not enough to convince someone else (who wants something different) to bend to your will. Love is not a super power! While it is great and admirable to love, it cannot do everything. Many virtues, qualities, networks, the alignment of various factors, have to come into play when doing anything.

6. Stop and think for a moment just how sexist the idea of "virginity" is. When you give it some thought maybe you wont freak out so much about "losing" this spooky, medieval burden of yours. If the whole world wants to manipulate young girls with the idea of their treasure box pussy, they will sadly be disappointed when they learn that no one really cares. The people that care about virginity are the possesive, often religious zealots who think they are superior men if they can stick you first. The beautiful idea of virginity only works if it applies to both sexes, and potentially waiting till you get married. But what large population really practices this, and what type of person are we waiting for?

In conclusion, life is too short to try and find your self worth in someone or something else. Learn from the choices that brought you mistakes. Also, grow better, not bitter... because any moron can grow bitter ok? Thats easy! But if you believe you deserve good things in life, don't circle around every painful event you tripped over. Your time on this earth is limited, and you get closer to death with every second that passes.

 

 

Blogging summary

Blogging can be a source of fun, personal reflection, and a means to sort things out... Writing in general possesses a means for which to see the past, present, and future, in new light.

Although, different blogging websites I feel are easier in terms of connecting with others and reading subscriptions. Part of the fun is the chance you can connect with a like minded individual.

Blogging and writing is a great exercise for the mind, as well as learning about your ability to express your thoughts and feelings.

The "Peasants" are angry, and we are many!

Whether you are a Michael Moore fan or not, I highly recommend "Capitalism: A Love Story".

I don't find the things Moore is claiming to be entirely new or disputable. It is nice however to see my sentiments or concerns expressed in this kind of format. Greed has always existed. It knows no limits, and unless we regulate it, curb it, hold people accountable for their corrupt tactics, then it will plough us over.

One of the interesting things I discovered was something called "dead peasant" insurance policies. Corporations can take out an insurance policy so that in the case of your demise, they can turn a profit. This is not money that goes to the families but to the top executives... even if you quit the company, they can still earn thousands, if not millions of dollars. You may be worth more dead, than alive by your place of business!

Here is an MSN article on the "dead peasant" policies.

And a video

There is also a detention center in Pennsylvania that earns a profit for every child that is incarcerated. The judge also makes millions by sending children there... and you know what these kids have done?

One girl got in a fight with her friend at the mall, another threw his dinner plate at the family table, another girl blogged that her school teacher was boring and didn't have a sense of humor. These children are not tried fairly because the judge doesn't care, he sees a profit! While they are issued maybe a 3 month long punishment, it was easily extended to 6 months or a year without going before a judge. Its outrageous! And this started last year!

Here is the CNN article,"Pennsylvania Rocked by'Jailing Kids for Cash' scandal".

Spiritual Mayhem

One of the things that I can not stand is new age philosophy void of reason or, science void of possibility. Those are two extremes for which I'm happy to not be a part of.

I appreciate science and psychology. I even respect spirituality and holistic healing. But some people try to throw certain new age ideas at me and to put it bluntly... it annoys the fuck out of me.

There's nothing worse than someone, anyone, telling you what your spiritual prognosis is. What gives them the authority to tell me what I can and can not like? Worse yet when it comes out of the mouth's of hypocrites!

Wisdom is not a life void of sorrow or anger. The ultimate human experience is not cutting out the parts of yourself you don't like. Zen or being close to God is not a happiness that's forced, or faked, or manipulated, to look genuine.

That's what I believe, and what anyone else believes is their prerogative. Just don't chastise me or act like I need salvation because I'm not the mirror image of you.

How vain!

It's getting to be that time again

When I get a free weekend I'm going to visit my brother. I cant wait!

When I visit him its as though someone has pressed my reset button. We have a tradition of watching horror films together, seeing concerts, and having great conversations.

Because October is approaching were going to see if we cant make a trip up to St. Louis. Back in the day people in Hollywood had jobs in departments called "animatronics". They brought to life all kinds of creatures from the mystical to the gruesome. When CGI came into play, and everything was computer generated these people lost their jobs.

Could you imagine having a talent for something that people suddenly decided was useless, and not worth paying for anymore?

These individuals settled into the Midwest and created those "haunted houses" people tour through. These are not just any spook houses, they are award winning! "The Darkness" is nationally recognized as the BEST set of ghastly, ghostly, and terrifying fun houses in the entire U.S.

The Darkness was featured on the travel channel.... check it out!

Maybe our story isnt one that starts as most stories do

Sometimes your parents impose their weaknesses or delusions upon you. They think that because their life didn't work out the way they wanted it to, in one way or another, that you are doomed to have the same kind of regrets.

When I was younger I wanted to be an artist. I had, still have, an amazing talent for that medium. But because my parents grew up in the Midwest, because of their generation, because of their traditions... they refused to nurture or support this side of me.

On the flip side my aunt and uncle encouraged their kids, whatever passion they had... sent them where ever they needed to be to achieve their goals, and SURPRISE the kids are doing what they love.

Now that I'm going into health care a as means to have a financial backbone and steady job... I have all the support in the world from my parents. My mother is glowing because in some small way I'm following in her foot steps. Yet the light in her eyes is something that pains me because she never lit up like that when I talked about what I loved.

There are so many opportunities in the arts; be it with computers, advertising, movies, books, games, museums. Yet all my parents could believe for me is that I would be some pitiful teacher helping students with their color wheels. It's not as though my passions or talents demanded that I become a super star. In fact I just wanted to be another successful cog in the machine of my choice.

Sometimes being practical feels like a sterilization of your soul. All the stars that hung in your sky have turned to construction paper held to some black poster board with Elmer's glue. The sparkle that was life's great mystery is just another plastic tube of glitter.

I think there was a pivotal time when my parent's support would have meant everything! But I get to join the club of those individuals... the thousands of them, that had to do something someone else wanted them to do, because that's the only time they would be given a hand of help.

And maybe, that's OK. Maybe our story isn't one that starts as most stories do. Perhaps the pieces, the concepts are delivered out of order than what others might receive them.

The goal of my life is to persevere... one day I will get there. I'm not allowed to give up!