It's getting to be that time again

When I get a free weekend I'm going to visit my brother. I cant wait!

When I visit him its as though someone has pressed my reset button. We have a tradition of watching horror films together, seeing concerts, and having great conversations.

Because October is approaching were going to see if we cant make a trip up to St. Louis. Back in the day people in Hollywood had jobs in departments called "animatronics". They brought to life all kinds of creatures from the mystical to the gruesome. When CGI came into play, and everything was computer generated these people lost their jobs.

Could you imagine having a talent for something that people suddenly decided was useless, and not worth paying for anymore?

These individuals settled into the Midwest and created those "haunted houses" people tour through. These are not just any spook houses, they are award winning! "The Darkness" is nationally recognized as the BEST set of ghastly, ghostly, and terrifying fun houses in the entire U.S.

The Darkness was featured on the travel channel.... check it out!

Maybe our story isnt one that starts as most stories do

Sometimes your parents impose their weaknesses or delusions upon you. They think that because their life didn't work out the way they wanted it to, in one way or another, that you are doomed to have the same kind of regrets.

When I was younger I wanted to be an artist. I had, still have, an amazing talent for that medium. But because my parents grew up in the Midwest, because of their generation, because of their traditions... they refused to nurture or support this side of me.

On the flip side my aunt and uncle encouraged their kids, whatever passion they had... sent them where ever they needed to be to achieve their goals, and SURPRISE the kids are doing what they love.

Now that I'm going into health care a as means to have a financial backbone and steady job... I have all the support in the world from my parents. My mother is glowing because in some small way I'm following in her foot steps. Yet the light in her eyes is something that pains me because she never lit up like that when I talked about what I loved.

There are so many opportunities in the arts; be it with computers, advertising, movies, books, games, museums. Yet all my parents could believe for me is that I would be some pitiful teacher helping students with their color wheels. It's not as though my passions or talents demanded that I become a super star. In fact I just wanted to be another successful cog in the machine of my choice.

Sometimes being practical feels like a sterilization of your soul. All the stars that hung in your sky have turned to construction paper held to some black poster board with Elmer's glue. The sparkle that was life's great mystery is just another plastic tube of glitter.

I think there was a pivotal time when my parent's support would have meant everything! But I get to join the club of those individuals... the thousands of them, that had to do something someone else wanted them to do, because that's the only time they would be given a hand of help.

And maybe, that's OK. Maybe our story isn't one that starts as most stories do. Perhaps the pieces, the concepts are delivered out of order than what others might receive them.

The goal of my life is to persevere... one day I will get there. I'm not allowed to give up!

Moxie Theater

Last night I watched the movie,"World's Greatest Dad". It stars Robin Williams as a poetry teacher in high school who is raising a son by himself. What you have to understand about this film is that it's a dark comedy. Be prepared to laugh at the horror!

I wouldn't suggest reading too many reviews on the film for fear they will give up the surprise twist. Without giving away to much on the subject itself, I have to say I loved this film! It was fresh, unusual, funny... and ends relatively well!

cha cha cha changes

While I was drying my hair this morning I saw something unusual...

Something sparkled under the luminescent light of my bathroom. I threw down the brush and started carefully parting the individual strands... and there it was...

My first silver hair!

I ripped that sucker right out to examine it. What the hell is going on here! It was a perfect chrome thread, almost metallic. I tossed my head every which way and didn't find another.

Sometimes getting older is creepy. I know high school wasn't exactly yesterday but this doesnt quite make sense at 29. Some of the hottest actresses and models are my age or older... I wonder if they have a secret grey hair on them. I wonder what tiny wrinkle is trying to crawl across their face.

The most important thing is to not feel old. As sad as it is, I felt really old at 16... not because of my age obviously, but because my life felt so empty. How sad everything feels when life is nothing like the movies you watch or the books you read. Somewhere along the way you have to make amends for that.

Somewhere you have to do a lot of forgiving.

Anyway, I figure I'm "officially" wise now...

24/29

Today is my birthday!

The last of my twenties was handed over to me today. Twenty nine is wrapped with Egyptian papyrus, woven with gold trim, written in 1800's cursive. Its a promise, a sweetness, a complete novel of sun kissed tomorrows.

One more year, one more role in the hay with my twenties.

How good everything is!

The first poem I loved

A child said What is the grass? fetching it to me with full hands,
How could I answer the child? I do not know what it is any more than he.
I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopefull green stuff woven.
Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropt,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we may see and remark, and say Whose?
Or I guess the grass is itself a child, the produced babe of the vegetation.
Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow zones,
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the same, I receive them the same.
And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.
Tenderly will I use you curling grass,
It may be you transpire from the breasts of young men,
It may be if I had known them I would have loved them,
It may be you are from old people, or from offspring taken soon out of their mothers' laps.
And here you are the mothers' laps.
This grass is very dark to be from the white heads of old mothers,
Darker than the colorless beards of old men,
Dark to come from under the faint red roofs of mouths.
O I perceive after all so many uttering tongues,
And I perceive they do not come from the roofs of mouths for nothing.
I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring taken soon out of their laps.
What do you think have become of the young and old men?
And what do you think have become of the women and children?
They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.

-Walt Whitman

Idiocracy

This movie came out in 2006 and when Drury college got a hold of it, it kind of had a rush in popularity. T-shirts were made "Don't become extinct- go to college".

I mentioned the movie during my political science class and only one other person heard of it. The topic was over media and how public opinion effects politics.

In the movie Idiocracy, the stage is set so that the only population that reproduces is the unintelligent parts of society. The "smart" people don't have children because they think about whether or not they can afford a child... After a while the intelligent people become extinct and the whole world is on welfare.

Educational standards have to be lowered to allow the dumb children to pass classes. Eventually, school is useless and proper English is punishable by death.

Only a few corporations create food, nothing is grown anymore, and fast food is now delivered through a vending machine. All merchandise, clothes, and other amenities can be found in a massive warehouse that might as well be it's own city.

Its a futuristic tale about the "dumbing down" of society and what it could cost us.

In its own way, the film is highly controversial/offensive due to the fact that reproduction is seen as an act of stupidity. Lately on the news I've been reading several articles about the carbon footprint of growing populations. That by not having children, you could cut back on the green house effect.

People get their panties in a twist because you cant tell anyone directly not to have children. Or that you might want to wait till you have kids until you can afford them is apparently insulting or taboo.

But when I look at my own family, with the members in it that are purely having kids to stay on welfare or work the system... I cant help but be pissed off! Never mind what this does to the children who cant get proper attention or care because mom is more concerned with getting a gov. check, then how she's raising them.

"Octomom" has to be the worst manifestation of a society that promotes having children at any cost.

I certainly like to think that molding a human life is clearly one of he most important jobs in the world. Yet there are more tests you have to pass in order to operate a car, or get a college degree. There is no standard for having children...

I always say that your ability to have a child is no miracle... raising the child however, to be a productive member of society, is.